hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
