So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
