maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
