So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i believe in u and ur pee
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
