You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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