I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
