why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life is pants optional.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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