Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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