I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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