Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
