I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
