when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
