shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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