every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
