Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
