Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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