I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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