sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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