U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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