Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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