The maid of honor just puked.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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