dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
