Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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