Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
