ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
