I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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