I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My ass is underappreciated
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
