so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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