I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
