Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
