i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
