Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
