whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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