Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
