im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
