Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
