in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
