kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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