I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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