I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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