at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How does one acquire holy water?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
