we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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