So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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