Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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