the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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