Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
