tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
