i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
