I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
