fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
