this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
