I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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