There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
