Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
