Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
