it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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