so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
