I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
