Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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