She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
