I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Shame is for Republicans.
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