i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
