I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
