Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
