I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
