How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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