the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
