My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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