i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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