i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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