Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
