Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
