Yo dont text me then not text me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
