so explain again why im purple
no
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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