you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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