i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
