She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
