oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
